5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad I don't think it takes anybody very long to find out there is an inner circle within the internet. The inner circle is like an exclusive club, the members refer to each other as internet gurus. Nobody ever says, "I am an internet guru." But they always point at each other and say, "He is an internet guru." (I've not noticed any female gurus or guras for that matter. But then I have not been doing this for very long.) I've tried to join but I have not been able to find their organization. I've searched through Google but maybe I'm not using the right keywords, though as often as they say it the organization should be ranked # 1 using guru as the keyword. To remain a "guru in good standing" you must be kind, generous and willing to share one or more internet secrets with the general public. It's okay to collect a fee for sharing the secret, after all, think about how much money they're giving up when they let everybody in on the secret. Even when I have paid for a secret I don't always understand it. That is one of the reasons I am Stupidman. I've tried to become a guru. I even ran an ad, "I have a secret, pay me!" Nobody did. But because I really want to be an internet guru I've developed a plan. I am going to tell you a secret for free. Then, you will say, "Stupidman is a guru trainee." Then, the next time I run an ad, "I have a secret, pay me!!", you will. You're reading this because of the catchy title, 5 Reasons Why You Should Post A Free Classified Ad. To get the ball rolling I'm going to share a "bonus" secret. THE CONTENT OF THE AD DOES NOT MATTER. What? Why? Second "bonus" secret: NOBODY READS THEM. You can post, "Spam Me" or "I have a virus that I want to infect you with" or "I am a serial killer, let's get acquainted". Content does not matter. You will get responses that completely ignore your content. Reason # 1: Eliminate Loneliness If you are sad or melancholy the responses you get will cheer you up. Imagine dozens or even hundreds of happy, enthusiastic people contacting you to share their "secrets" and invite you, a complete stranger, to join them on the road to happiness and great wealth. Your new friends will embrace and urge you to join organizations already loaded (yet still rapidly growing) with more happy, successful people or they might even (because they really like you) invite you to join a "ground floor opportunity". This will allow you to share your good fortune with your friends, family and, if you are a true believer, lonely, complete strangers as you once were. The method by which your new friends initially contacted you (which will also be one of the methods they will suggest you use when you contact complete strangers) is called UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL. This is not SPAM. Spam is something else. Your new friends will explain this to you at the bottom of every letter they send you. They will carefully explain that Senate Bill 1618 and/or House Bill 3113 say that if you have an unsubscribe link (working or not) then it is not Spam. Do not be troubled by the fact that neither bill was signed into law. (This relies upon the long established legal position that if anybody in Congress intended it to be law then it must be ok.) If you decide to check the unsubscribe link to see if it is working and discover it isn't do not lose faith in your new friends. I GUARANTEE the other links function properly. Reason # 2: Read Email With Lots of Zeros and Exclamatory Punctuation This is one of the best parts. Reading all of the highlighted, italicized, underscored zeros. 000's for part time, 0000's for full time (monthly or weekly, doesn't matter). Talk about exclamation points! Just about every sentence will have one, sometimes three or four together. Who wouldn't be excited. Doesn't it make your heart race just thinking about it? To add to the excitement, many of the opportunities will have hard and fast deadlines. "We can only take 4 more success oriented people in this program." "Offer expires in twenty minutes." "Bonuses if you enroll by midnight tonight. Clearly you must respond quickly or the opportunity will be lost forever. You must be especially alert for the "gifting" program. This is a wonderful opportunity where you can profit to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars within a couple of weeks. Merely send some money electronically to the person at the top of the list, write your name at the bottom and send the whole thing to people you want to become rich. If you are an extremely kind person you can use the UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL technique and make everybody in the world rich. Go on reading: Top right