Achieving Emotional Control
Kapwom Dingis

There was a time in the good old days when people thought that a person's IQ was what determined how successful in life they would be. Those were the days when the whole idea of IQ and IQ tests were new and we all thought that a person's Intelligence Quotient told us how well they would do in school and in life.

While to a degree a person's IQ will help them solve problems and help them achieve academic success more easily there is something else that matters more when it comes to finding out if a child/person will achieve success in life.

So what is the thing? Answer: Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence can be defined as the

1) Understanding yourself (your goals, intentions, emotions and all)
2) Understanding others and their feelings.

Not surprisingly in tests done by Researchers, people who had higher emotional intelligence (ability to manage your emotions while showing empathy and relating well to others) did better in life including financially and with relationships.

This means that we can conclude that Emotional Intelligence is a better predictor of success than any Intelligence test can offer.

To back up this point I will use a real life research done at Harvard’s Psychology School on 4-6 year olds in 1966. 23 children were used in the Research and the scenario was: they were put in an empty class with a Candy bar (of which liking the bar was a criteria of whether the children were chosen) and were instructed by one of the professors doing the research that if they wanted they could take the Candy while the professor was away or they could wait for him to come back, and if they hadn’t eaten the first Candy bar they would be given two more.

Now the catch was that they did not know when the adult was coming back. The time for the adult to be away was set to 15 minutes. (But the children didn’t know this). When all was said and done, 8 of the children were able to wait until the adult came and got the two Candy bars. All the other kids were not patient enough to wait for the adult, although another 2 waited 10 minutes before deciding to eat their Candy bar.

Surprisingly (or not) when these children were contacted 12 years later the children who had waited until the adult came back were doing better in school and were more active in school activities (including Sports, Theatre and Debate team)

20 years later 21 of the children were still contactable (if that’s a word) and once again the children who had shown emotional restraint in the research had better jobs, had done better in college, went to better colleges and were in more stable relationships.

Looking at that example (there are more just do some research; read Emotional Intelligence by Alder) we can see that if we want to do well in life and for our kids it is important to have good emotional intelligence.

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be increased by consciously making an effort to do so. So, now what are we to do to increase our emotional intelligence? I will give you some handy advice to consider:

1) Understanding yourself: Make a list of what you want and why? What is the best emotional state to be in to achieve this goal?

2) Managing you moods: don’t get rid of emotions just be aware of the emotions you are using and ask yourself whether they are appropriate at a given time.

3) Understanding others: See things from other peoples position before you react

4) Influencing people: consider the way you speak and act. Is it how a leader should act? Consider what the effect of your communication would be ideally (very few people do this)

5) Dealing with conflict: Conflict arises where there is misunderstanding between two parties. Bridge this gap by being slow to anger and assuring people you understand where they are coming from but gently let them know if they are still in the wrong. (Warning: many a times you may be in the wrong.)

6) Making things happen: Tell the world what you are going to do but first SHOW THEM.

There are obviously a few more areas to emotional intelligence but these are the key areas, which once mastered can push you towards success because the simple fact is: if you have control over yourself and are aware of other people's emotions and handling them you will always do well in whatever environment you find yourself, especially Business.

I know many of you will use this information to bring success to your life.

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